Facebook Status Blowup

Posted: November 15, 2010 in Facebook

This facebook status that I decided to write last night before bed has caused an uproar. Now some of my friends are really thinking I will hurt myself or need someone to talk to. I will post on here what I wrote on facebook for my status.

Am very frustrated at this point & time. Looking for a doctor that will prescribe Fuck It All pills for me. I am really hating my life & in a sick way wish it would end. I love my friends & family to death but I am just about at my breaking point. If my breaking point is a 10 I am at 9.8 right now.

Let me say to my friends and family, I am not stupid enough to take my own life. I have way too much to live for, an awesome daughter, a very wonderful fiance as well as my great friends & family. Let me try to explain this in words that will let you understand where I am coming from. Ask questions if you don’t understand and I will explain some how.

In june of this year I was diagnosed with Insulin Resistance, High Blood Pressure & Diabetic Retinopathy. I have been following a certain meal plan, taking insulin  & exercising for the IR. I have been taking pills three times a day for the HBP. I have had six argon laser surgeries on my eyes for the DR. Everything has been going great, the meal plan is helping me lose weight/mass. I have been more active like I was last year & actually exercising as well.

Well in june they ran some kidney tests on me while I was in the hospital. One of my things to do when I get out was to see this kidney specialist soon after. Between having surgeries each week as well as other appointments and other various things. After a few calls to the specialist’s office I finally got an appointment for mid october. I got in there filled out their paper work, got weighed and waited. Once he came in he proceeded to knock my whole world out of whack.

He tells me that I now upon everything else have chronic kidney disease.  Instead of the some damage I was told I had done that in fact I only have 30% function left. The some damage I was told was a lot more than some. He said that dialysis would be needed when I am older.  As well as telling me they can give me pills to slow more damage. It was agreed to do more tests to get a better more accurate judgement. This is all that was really said which left me freaked.

I setup another appointment with his office for the 8th of november. Which in turn happens to be two days after my 29th birthday. I did all the tests that were asked of me and followed my same routine as I have for months. I seen my regular doctor in the mean time and learned I had dropped my a1c level down to 5 from 8.2. My birthday came & went and the 8th I was honestly scared shitless. In my head was I’m going to die, I just want to see my little girl grow up.

It was the same basic story, still 30% function left only option is a transplant when it hits 20%. This time I am told I have longer to live as many people don’t die from this anymore. As well as keeping my stuff under control will prolong advanced damage along with pills. This is where he blows my shit out of the toilet. Now I have too much potassium and phosphorus in my body as well as losing protein still. Another change in my diet, less intake of foods high in p or p.

I say ok cannot be that bad can it, this is when the shit hit the fan. I look through the potassium guide and start thinking ok this might be a little hard. Then I find a phosphorus guide online and start reading. At this point in time I am starting to feel sick to my stomach. I’m finding a lot of what is on one guide it is ok to eat and the other it is not. The crossroads section of this diet has hit the brakes. What the hell am I actually allowed to eat now. I don’t know, I am working on it.

To me it doesn’t seem like much is left in terms of food and this pisses me off. I have been doing great with my previous diet and now all of this. This is why I am angry, depressed and down right pissed off. To be honest I just want to live my life and be somewhat normal like everyone else. I have no problems with eating healthier and smaller portions. Once in great while I wouldn’t mind a greasy burger or maybe some freaking ice cream.

Peace Aaron(W-W)


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